The ones that reach way too close to home:
- I didn't have a shitty childhood, so I can't turn my pain into art.
- Thanks a lot, mom and dad.
- I had too much food for lunch and now I'm tired.
- Damn that itis!!!!
- I accidentally clicked on iTunes and had to wait 2 minutes for it to open before I could close it again.
- This actually happens to me a lot and I get very upset about it each time. SO SLOW. CLOSE, ALREADY! I don't even want you on my computer in the first place.
- I can't hear the TV while I'm eating crunchy snacks.
- TV? Food? TV? Food? Why can't I enjoy both at the same time? sigh.
- My laptop is low on battery, but the charger is over there.
- ughhhhhhh I bought this because it was portable!!!
[Source]

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